I do not feel sexually attracted to or lust after Any other man. It does not natter if the guy is perfect looking, I do not feel an attraction. Because my heart is withnthr guy i love. That is why I have difficulty with a man whos in a relationship, claims to love his woman yet whacks off to other women while watching porn. That is cheating. At the time his mind and heart and sexual desires, sexual gratification is being handled by thoughts of being with another woman and thus us not ok.
Hes not touvhing me, im not touching him so theres no cheating. If you think it is then she may as well invite hot men to her bedroom naked and as long as theres no cobtact shes not cheating. And any man who whacks off to porn and hides it from his S. Same exact thing mindset, thoughts, desires. Hi, reading all of the different things people have or are going thru I felt I could put some of my heartache out there.
The problem is that there is always another girl there always has been one he can confide in spend time with take that person out and have a good time with in which I have had to find out on my own every time. The moment I bring it up to get a better understanding the guilt the blame and the wrong doing is all placed on me. There is no communicating with him everything that I do and say is wrong and is my fault that he does the things he does to me to our family. Am I the one who needs help?
Please…please…please, dear one…. Your post suggests that your partner has a behavioral disorder. I am not a professional, but I recently endured the same treatment and there is much to be learned by gathering as much information as you can about NPD Narcissistic Personality Disorder. If your partner fits this profile, there is no cure for this disorder, there is only more deception.
The Narcissist craves thrills and has an abnormal tolerance to boredom. He will seek out constant NS Narcissistic Supply , to fill this void. It is a harrowing experience, to be involved with a Narcissist, and it can ruin your future chances to be able to determine who is normal and who is not, in your future. This is NOT love, darling, this is abuse. Are these people happy and content?
Never…and they never will be. They will go through dozens of people, in their lifetimes, to try to fill the void in themselves that can never be filled. The results will always be the same for them…dead end relationships. But they have no empathy for others, so they will constantly seek a new source of Narcissistic Supply, again and again, so that THEY will never be hurt.
Your child will suffer from this behavior also, as the years progress. You are normal, he is not. Rest assured that he is not just seeing one women. Please learn about this disorder. There is a wealth of knowledge to learn on the internet and it WILL set you free, to determine whether or not you want to continue on with this relationship.
For most, especially sensitive women, it is just not worth the torment, nor the effort. Is that worth it to you? I think not, but I am not you. You say that you have a child, which leads me to believe that you are still young enough to find true love with a normal man.
YOU have the power, within this relationship. He does not. With fondest regards that the day will come, when you can return to a healthy way of living your life and protecting your child from this malignant behavior. Start your studying now. I wish I could get out. I foolishly believed I could protect my daughter better by being there. He was never home anyway. In the end she thought I was the needy one and drove him away. I failed. I failed all the way around.
I have no family and his never wanted a thing to do with our child. They never even came to the hospital to see her after she was born. Anyway, I never got out and I never will. All my inheretence is gone. I used it to give my family a quality of life, homes, schools for my daughter, new cars, vacations.
Raising a child is expensive. She thinks it was due to her daddy working so hard. I lost and I failed. Now I will never have that family I dreamt of my whole life. Please I beg you all. Yikes this is awful to read. I was involved with a striking partner from overseas for 5 years — that was the obvious red flag, beautiful but unattached and no discernible history I could verify. If you can RUN. But beware they do permanent damage to you. They break down parts of your self and strength and you get very lost.
Very nicely, written. And the absolute truth. I was in an 8yr. I had never heard of the term. I had just been replaced, with new supply. I left that day. I turned to the internet. Thankful for being replaced. Blessing in disguise. Your words sadden me and bring back painful memories. These people are sick and could care less who they hurt. It will not get better, only worse. I wish I could grab you and shake this truth into you. Unfortunately, only you can do this. You already know.
I know the pain. You have being abused the whole time. Is a very hard decision but is your mental and emotional well being or letting him have control and power over you. I had the exact same situation before but no kids. I broke it after 5 months of dating. I was depressed for more than a year.
But I look for help and I was able to see clearly after all. Do you feel nervous when around him? Walking on eggshells not knowing what to say or do that cause him to be upset?
Is not your resposibility to make him happy. Everyone should analize themself and find happiness in things they like to do. Look for help if you feel trapped. For the love of your child! God bless tou! He probably had family members who make excuses for him too.
I would like to address NPD. He is a liar, deceiver, and I no longer care for him. I thought I was the luckiest woman on the planet and that he would never betray me or even look at another woman. Wrong……I caught him watching porn one afternoon in the dining room. He was depressed over an ED diagnosis and getting older.
Instead of working it out with me, he resorted to his pornography. I repeatedly asked him if he was doing that, and gave him many opportunities to speak the truth, but he lied continually even on my granddaughters life.. How low can a person go? We travel a lot and have a nice lifestyle so I stayed.
If anyone out there is young, please leave immediately to save your life and sanity. The pain and destruction living with someone who has no empathy or real love and caring is so devestating, it will eventually destroy you and possibly kill you. I have had therapy, and I pray to God to help,and heal me. I often think if he were to die how magical my life could be. He is an empty shell of a man……a very bad man. Save yourself while you still can and free yourself for real honest and intimate closeness.
You will never get this from a narcicist. Just intense pain and heartache until you are not what you once were….. I wish I had the guts to leave…. I was once quite beautiful and still look great for my age. But this is not about looks, I simply have no energy to even think about another man in my life. After all, he could be a liar, narcicist, and interested in porn. Where are all the real men anyway?
Do they even exist??? Deborah — I am a woman age 56 and I believe that my personality fits the description of NPD to a tee. It has taken me lots of failed relationships very very painful to realize…hey, it may just be me that is sick and not them. My most recent loss was that of my ex-husband after 19 years of marriage …because part of my MO is to incur debt without telling him. Well, BS. So, my lies and deception were there all along…before him and now after him.
However, I believe it may not be too late for me. I have owned up to this crap and am now desperately trying to seek help for myself. The point of this response is to show that this problem is NOT limited to just men. The other point is…we deserve love too…we are sick; like an addict of sorts.
Finally, it is paramount to take ownership for the issue. Sounds like your husband has NOT yet done this…maybe at 70 he never will. Just so sad. Taking the bull by the horns in Mid-MO. They relate to self destructive behavior and range of other problematic life habits. They are not cut and dried differences and person can have blend of elements and it takes a two trained professionals to actually diagnose.
I developed anxiety and depression over the lies, lack of sympathy and deception. I never got to meet his mother. As awful as it sounds. Was he being sarcastic when he told me that?
Hey lies I catch him. I was abused as a child and am in therapy with my fiance for his childhood as well as for our relationship. When we fight he calls me white trash. Says my mom should have swolled me or its because my daddy touched me.
Or I should have been born barin When he speaks of my childhood PTSD bpd and calls me crazy and not normal to top off calling me my abusers names and laughs. I have asked kindly quietly loudly anyway I can to get him to stop in the middle of a fight.
His words do more Damage than getting beat up. They fight to win. I grew up trying to resolve by talking about my feelings. We got in engaged a year ago after6 years we told everyone.
I have. Met his big Persian family love them. I was married before for ten years to beautiful kids that live with me and him full time. He is wonderful with them and has been for 7 years. I just wish he would love me and make me feel like I was worth something. He Keeps saying just be normal… You can never be happy. My name is Chris, my wife Nearly destroy our home, I loved her as a woman I chose to be with all the days my life but unfortunately she started keeping secret at the same time behaving as all is well.
Please what action will I take to protect myself and children? Looking forward for favourable and quickest reply. Is it proper for your wife to be having a sexual conversation with her ex guy? And when you confront her with proofs, she says you are have no right to intrude her privacy. Plz i need advise on this issue. What do i do? My marriage was on the rocks, then I had 2 years affair but realized the guy I was with was lying about his marriage he told me they were separated.
He even gave me promise ring to be with him. But when my husband found out and contact his wife he denied everything and blame me that I was the one coming unto him. I feel humiliated and stupid I fell in love with a liar. If you were having an affair, you dont have the right to complain! Sorry, not sorry. I would of thought my man would not cheat on me I was wrong was lie to all the time. Thank you for this wonderful piece about honesty!
So many points seemed to be drawn directly from my own story. Chris, I just saw your post, so maybe things have been resolved since you wrote it in February. If so and if your marriage has healed, congrats and God bless you both. IF NOT… and of this problem still exists, obviously you are hanging on in a miserable situate. Husbands and wives have no business texting friends or colleagues of the opposite sex.
And sending sexual messages is horrible. You love your wife. Then, see a competent lawyer. Be prepared for pain, lots of pain. I understand. But this behavior from your wife is unacceptable! I grab my phone and looked at her text and call history and there it was text after text, call after call she just waited for me to leave to work to get on the phone with him, either by text or phone call. I looked to se if I had the same phone number in my contacts and so I did.
It hit me so hard my mind started going like a million miles a second. I graved her phone dialed his number and he answered I started talking smack to him and he ended the call.
But the thing the hurt me so much apart from that was her continues Lies…. Sometimes I hate how I changed but, Im to scare to put my guard down. When I see that something is bothering her I asked her whats wrong she says nothing I say ok and walk away. I just found out my husband of 23 years, who has not had relations with me by his own accord for 12 years, more than half of my marriage, has been registered on gay and swinger websites.
I found out all this on my own and have filed for divorce. He also placed naked pictures of himself on both of these websites with explicit profiles. Am I wrong to not trust him and feel so betrayed? He makes me hunk I am crazy. And, after you own up to your lie, you might need to keep proving to your partner that you can be trusted, and not just whee the stuff you lied about is concerned. In fact, she recommends that you take some time to think about it.
And, of course, you might not be OK with the lie. Weight Loss. United States. Type keyword s to search. Today's Top Stories. Taraji P. Accessible Beauty Products For All. Then there are the sad lies we don't want to hear. Lies such as, "I didn't call because my cell phone died.
Don't you trust me? He's not physically cheating; more than likely he isn't, but the love and emotional attachment he had with you is over for him. Another lying problem is the person who consistently lies. The lies may seem innocuous and innocent but the reality is that this person feels lies are acceptable. He or she may lie about being late coming home or say they did something that you needed done but in reality didn't do it. No major lies about infidelity or money but a pattern is being established where lying becomes second nature to the truth.
Stop making excuses for the person who lies to you over and over again. He's not going to change and you can't expect him to be truthful. Relationships are made up of many components.
People are willing to put up with various quirks in their partners simply to keep the relationship going. But if you are consistently made to feel uncomfortable or uneasy because you feel as if you cannot trust your partner, then making the decision not to take him or her back is the logical one for you. Life needs quality and a certain sense of security. Being with a person you can't trust can only cause stress and emotional upheaval.
You deserve a better way of living. You may email her at kch kristenhoughton. News U.
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